Won't He Do It

“Are you going to write about ‘A Day In The Life of Keely’?” My brother-in-law asked.

“Something like that.” I smiled, looking down at the keyboard I had just bought for my iPad. 

The truth was, I had no clue how I was going to start this blog. I knew I had thoughts, I knew I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to share my experiences, but I also knew that years ago I didn’t pay attention during grammar lessons. And instead of copying lecture notes during English, I was busy writing personal notes to my friend, rolling them up and hiding them in an off brand Bic pen. “Hey,” I would whisper “here’s that pen you asked for.” 

P.S. We never got caught.

Isn’t it just like God, to call those who feel unworthy? 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV)

Maybe you’ve heard the phrase “God will never give you more than you can handle.” Well, imagine my surprise when I learned that is theologically incorrect. God allows more than we can handle, so that we rely on Him, not on ourselves. 

“Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” (Psalm 55:22 NASB) 

God asks us to cast our burdens upon Him, for only His “yoke is easy” and “burden is light.” He alone provides true rest and sustenance for our souls. We can’t.

As a recovering control freak this was slightly annoying to learn. 

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So here I am, feeling wildly unequipped to be a blogger. And maybe it’s not so much the act of blogging but the ripple effect it might cause.

“I mean, isn’t that so 2000’s? Who's going to read it anyways? You want me to talk about ThAT? Putting myself out into the ether of the world-wide-web sounds like a recipe for disaster; it sounds vulnerable.” 

But, isn’t it just like God, to call those who feel unworthy? It is, and I do. 

—-

I’m reminded that the verses from Matthew and Psalms sound real good until we’re asked to apply them. That’s when we start shifting in our seats. 

As I read and reread the verses, God asked me a simple yet unexpected question “Do you believe?” My initial response was as follows: “Psssshhh yeah, I mean it’s in your Word, of course I believe its truth.” He gently asked again “No Keely, do you believe?”

I sat back. The last 5 years of my life flashed in my mind. Then the past decade, the past 20...the past 25…all the way back as far as I can remember.

Suddenly a flood of anger and hurt came rushing in. I began recalling all the times I had asked God to help and felt like I was met with silence. All the times it seemed like the person next to me was holding the better end of the stick. “Wait, you're not even a Jehovah's Witness** and yet your parents are still together? Where’s the sense in that? I was told that wasn’t supposed to happen.” I thought about where I was now in comparison to where I wanted to be.

Memory upon memory. All laying dormant to my mind's eye yet silently informing my every belief. Taking it all in, making the choice to see the truth, I realized in my head I believed but in my heart I did not. I answered with a soft “no”. 

The thing was, God already knew the answer. He needed me to know it too. 

---

(5 months later)

I don't know how to end this blog post. 

For two main reasons: 

1. I'm from the Midwest and as a people we just don't know how to say goodbye quickly. Or maybe I should clarify, we know how to say goodbye quickly but acting on it is a whole other thing. The "Minnesota Goodbye" is very real. 

2. There's a part of me that would love to give you a storybook ending. That over the past 5 months I've been miraculously healed of the mindset mentioned earlier. But the truth is that I'm still struggling, albeit not as intensely. I think of a kid learning to ride a bike or a baby learning to walk; it takes time. All the while God is a good parent watching over and gently guiding. 

A good way to end, I think, it to tell you that I'm not entirely the same person I was when I first set out to write this blog post. I chose to stop and allow God to begin a deep work in my heart. He has pulled me in and shown me healing in ways I didn't know were possible for me. I pray that for you too. 

And I think the final, final way to end (I am Midwestern after all)... is that I got schooled by my own blog post.

Until next time, 

Keely 

P.s. Go ahead and share this with someone you feel could use an encouraging word! 

**I was raised a Jehovah's Witness but was disfellowshipped when I was 19. Another story for another time.